The Chill Pill
While on the escalator the other day, immersed in some thought, I did not realize that I was standing on the left side, until someone shouted: “Excuse me! If you are not moving, then you got to stay to the right”. That is true, I agreed and quickly moved to the right. A couple of days later, I am on the same route and was running late, however, this time, someone was blocking the left side of the escalator. When I said: “Excuse me!”, he turned, looked angry with a crunched-up eyebrow and sighed, then I realized that someone ahead of him was blocking us off. Then, this lady behind me kept yelling, cursing and panting: “Move it! You son of a b###h!” Interesting situation, ever heard of an escalator traffic jam?!
I am sure we can all relate this to personal situations that we encounter at different events and moments in our lives, such as a hard to deal with colleague, a pain in the neck client, a grumpy Professor, an upset spouse/partner, a cranky family member or just simply you being an angry young man… just to name a few.
Are we in control of these events that inflict upon us? No and Yes. That is, I do not choose these events to be presented to me, however, I have total control with how I deal with such situations. There is no magic formula to overcome such situations in an amicable manner, it is just a matter of taking in not only a chill pill but “the right chill pill”.
And so, I am not here to tell you a step by step process on how to overcome anger. There are so many techniques out there pertaining to anger management that you can apply and get some temporary fix. However, we need a more permanent solution to solving our issues/problems as to see “everlasting results”. Just as you cannot keep popping a zit to get rid of it as it will emerge again sometimes later, rather you got to take the seed out of it for a fix. Remember the adage, “any problem needs to be solved from its root”.
Here is an offer, it is very simple.
- Just ask yourself: What is the point of lashing out on someone? Why would I want to get angry on someone? Am I even aware that I am carrying grudge towards someone?
- Think about it seriously!!
What do you get out of being angry?
I would say, you get more trouble. You are already upset, and you will agitate the other person as well with your outburst of anger on them. The result is, yes you let your anger out but now there is tension between you and that person or there is a sense of guilt within you for acting out in a nasty way.
- Why don’t you just work on yourself first to save yourself from all that tension, will you?
Moments of experiencing anger or any other feeling is given to us for a purpose. When anger comes, say to yourself that this is a visitor who has come to visit me temporarily. After all, we are not angry people 24/7, most of the time, we are content. Here, you activate your consciousness.
- Welcome anger as a temporary visitor and look for its sender. In other words, question: what is the Source of Existence (SOE) of this anger?
- Once you are able to acknowledge its Source of Existence (SOE), which is the main task that needs to be worked on, then you can say thank you to the SOE for you belong to It and you want to attach all your hopes and desires to It, rather than to anything of this world. Nothing of this world is permanent and so it is not worth your conscious effort. Hence, anger served its purpose.
Anger is not only experienced as a sudden outburst like an earthquake. Depending on your personality, you may stay quiet for a while or a long time if someone triggers anger in you and within yourself, you may be boiling like a volcano ready to erupt soon. (Here, even if you do not lash out on someone, you may harm your biological system by triggering stress or something more serious within. Whatever inner state you are cooking within is reflected outwardly in your physiology/physical appearance as well, hence take it easy bro ?) In other words, whatever thoughts are going on within you, needs to be evaluated critically by your being.
“And in the Earth, there are signs for those who are certain. And in your own selves; will you not then see.” Quran (50:20-21)
Again, as depicted above, that thought is a temporary visitor sent by someone who knows you. (just like the transient nature of this universe, example, how the clouds are sent and then quickly dispersed, the same goes with our feelings and emotions, they come and go.)
Who knows you more than yourself or your friends? The Source of your Existence, your Engineer, your Architect, your Designer, your Maker, your Creator, your Advisor, your Beautifier, your Health Provider…your Giver of Life is the One that knows you from the inside out. “Fear not! Verily, I shall be with you two, hearing and seeing all” Quran (20:46)
- ALWAYS QUESTION THE SOURCE OF EXISTENCE OF ANY FEELING!!!
- Then you will not only save yourself from getting upset at yourself but also from getting into a feud or tension with others.
“Anger”, is GIVEN for a purpose, to let you know that you are Owned by Someone. That should put you at ease that you are not left in this universe to your own devices, you are being taken care of and so you say: “Thank You, O Source of my Existence for making me realize your Existence, for I belong to you!” After experiencing this “realization”, then this feeling is easily handled across all events.
- This awareness needs training. The more you train with this awareness of the Source of your Existence overseeing everything, the better you get at acknowledging your reality i.e. what you are and who do you belong to.
There is a hadith (Prophetic narration) which narrates that a woman was weeping on the death of her husband and the Prophet (PBUH) told her to be patient. On which, she yelled at the Prophet for not understanding her agony and so the Prophet (PBUH) left. Later, when she realized that it was the Messenger of God, she then apologized to the Prophet to which the Prophet said that the moment was then.
- LESSON: Any feeling that we experience at a given moment is there to serve its purpose and it is to be used then at that specific moment. Our responsibility is to listen to it and connect our existence back to its Source of Existence right there and then. The moment is for Now to experience because the Source of your Existence speaks to you HERE and NOW and is always in constant communication with you. But you are you, stubborn and doing your thing.
- Listen to yourself more often PLEASE as it will put you in an inner dialogue with the Source of your Existence which leads to a beautiful relationship and the only everlasting relationship.
“Now, Verily, it is We who have created man, and know what his soul whispers to him: for We are closer to him than his neck-vein” Quran (50:16)
This awareness of our consciousness requires practice with the opportunities that we are presented with. The more we listen to ourselves as far as our feelings and emotions are concerned (by recognizing that they are not coming from our cells/particles/body or just random acts out there, rather there must be a One, a Source, not of the nature of this universe sending it to us), the better we will be able to make the connection with the Source of our Existence by tying everything back to its Source HERE and Now and thus fulfill the purpose of our existence. “My Source of Existence is with me every step of the way and so I feel secure in my existence because I am remembered and well-taken care of by It.” Don’t you just want everlasting peace and chill-ax!?
Tags: Angry, Feelings, Permanent, Quran, Source of Existence, Temporary, Transient